• Self-Help: Use it to redesign your life

    by  • August 8, 2012 • Personal Development, Self-help

    self-help We all want to design our lives. To improve ourselves and the quality of the lives we live. You have a choice. To continue to live as you are. Or to change for the better. To have the good sense to take stock. And ask yourself what is important.

    You can decide to devote yourself to self-improvement. To rebuild your life.  To make it better than it is. It will at least be different. And the change will do you good. Even if you are new to self-help. You can rebuild your life.


    1. The key to self-help

    Information is the key to self-help. And there is plenty of it on the internet. Search it out. Learn as much as you can about self-help in general. The more informed you are about it the better you will be at it. Identify the issues you need to work on. Then collect as much data as you can on them.

    2. Three main self-help issues

    You need to work on three issues to change your life. One, you need to get your mind committed to it. Two, you need to improve your level of fitness and energy. Three, you need to find time to work on your personal development.

    3. You choose your thoughts and feelings

    Most of us live in the default position of reacting to what happens to us.  As if we believe these events control our feelings.  We are tossed about on the sea of our emotions. Instead of controlling our response to the events of our day.

    We do not have to live our lives like that. We can control our response to the events of the day. It is up to us to decide how we will react to what happens to us. The ability to do so is one of our great strengths. And using it is essential to our well-being.

    Set yourself the goal of identifying and controlling your thoughts and feelings. Get on top of them and stay on top of them. Master them. Choose your response. And deal with them from a position of strength.

    The key to doing this is the ability to shift your focus. From event to event. From feeling to feeling. From thought to thought. And deal with them one at a time. Then move on to the next one. The idea is to stop them from building up and taking control of your life.

    4. Tune in to your self-talk

    Listen to what you are saying to yourself. To the way you rubbish yourself and what you do. To how you put yourself down. To how you take the wind out of your sails. Then stop attacking and undermining yourself. Doing so will lift a great load off your back.

    It will free you up. Give you a new sense of perspective. Allow you to see that events only have the value you assign to them. This will give you the power to shape your reality. It is just a set of perceptions. You job is to navigate your way through them. And to control your reality by controlling them.

    Get your self-talk to work for you. This is self-help at its best. Become your own mentor. It will give you a sense of perspective. An unerring sense of reality. And motivate you to do great things.

    5. Ask yourself good self-help questions

    When something goes wrong. Investigate it. Like a good detective. Ask what exactly went wrong? Could I have done better? Could I have foreseen it? What can I learn from it? How can I do better in future?

    These are good questions. Learn to use them. Don’t wait for a big issue to work on. Work on little ones as they arise. Use them to learn what questions to ask. And to improve how you handle them. When you feel confident enough you will be ready to deal with the bigger issues.

    6. Get your body in self-help shape

    Start exercising one day a week. Soon you will feel the good effects of it. And begin to do more. Your energy levels will increase. You will have a greater appetite for work, new ideas and challenges.

    The keys to successful exercising are: Drink plenty of water. Stretch before and after. Slowly does it and be patient. Stop if you feel pain, overheat or breathlessness. See a doctor or fitness professional if you are concerned or have injuries.

    7. Eat wisely for self-help

    Eat better one day a  week. You will feel the benefits. And soon you will be eating well all the time. Your energy levels will increase. And you will have a greater appetite for work, new ideas and challenges.

    The keys to wise eating are: Do so every day. Eat moderate rather than large portions. Drink lots of water. Make it your default drink. Have healthy snacks of almonds, fruit, yogurt, cheese strings. Take an occasional day off and eat anything you want.

    8. Make time for self-help

    Get good at managing your time. Identify where your time goes. How you work. In small bursts or sustained effort. When you are most productive. What will help you to get better organised.

    The keys to good time management are:  1. Not so much organising your time as learning to spend your time on things that matter.  2. To do this well you need to get good at setting goals.  3. Managing your finances so they take up less of your time.  4. Organising your emotions so you can use your energies on things that matter.

    9. Build on strengths not weaknesses

    Learn what your strengths are. Don’t trust your gut feeling. Use a questionnaire to identify them. Read the Strengths Development: How to checklist blog. You will find how to access a suitable questionnaire there. And it tells you all you need know about developing your strengths.

    Do not obsess about your strengths. Build on them. And make building on them and organising your life around them the central aim of your self-help strategy.



    Hardwick, C (2011) The Nerdist Way: New York: The Berkley Publishing Group.



    Strengths Development: How to checklist




    We can use positive psychology to improve how we live our lives. So I love to share my understanding of it with others. To help them grow and flourish as I have. The posts on this blog set out to do just that. You need a lot of skill to make a relationship a happy one. So I write about relationship skills. Skills you can learn how to use in your own relationship. To keep it in good shape. To solve problems that may arise in it. And to improve the quality of your relationship. To make both of you happy.